Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
