He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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