I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
