are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
