I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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