so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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