well he's currently spooning the coffee table
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize