I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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