Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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