my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
