He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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