What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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