she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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