the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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