I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
