I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
