Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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