Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize