Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
