i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
