do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
