i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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