I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize