none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We left the knife in your bed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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