I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
