there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize