Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
