this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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