I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
