evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
