Where are you?
In a non slutty way
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
