you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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