Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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