I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have tasted many bathrooms
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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