??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize