Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
soo... how was my night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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