I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
