I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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