There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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