I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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