Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
