remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
