omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
