Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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