apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
