she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
