I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
