i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
