Me. At least after what I've been through.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
NoShamevember. You game?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
