The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you traded sex for a burrito?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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