it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No subtext here. People are naked.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
