Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
smell my finger.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
