whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
