R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
