What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
