Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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