Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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