I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
