What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
