It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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