I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Blood and glitter go together right?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
