hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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