My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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