i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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