Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
