True but thats because hes a fetus.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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