My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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