just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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