her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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