I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
