How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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