I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
