doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
