Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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